How to Write Poetry- Marjon Style

Poetry is hard. Especially if you want to be serious about it. Luckily, it is not always a necessity. Today I have a recipe for a poem that is about as serious as a clown with a pie on his face. It was first published in the ‘Ladle’- a students’ humorous periodical. The writer is only credited as Sporus, so if you happen to know that person-let me know. So, let’s see how to write poetry- Marjon style:
ARS POETICA
If you’ve nothing to do for a minute or two
(Though you haven’t a clue in your head)
And you’d like the acclaim of the writers of fame
Whether living or mentally dead
Don’t try to write plays that would run for two days
Or pantomimes, all by yourself,
Or books of the kind that you constantly find
On the threepence of sixpenny shelf
Just think of a phrase, such as *crime never pays*
Or *dinner at seven in hall*
And write it down neatly, in part or completely
With no punctuation at all.
Now add a few more, such as *please shut the door*
Or *dresses in velvet or satin*
Repeat one or two (it’s the right thing to do)
Or write them down backwards, in Latin
Without an apology, take an anthology
Copy the list of first lines.
Leave marks exclamation of interrogation;
Omit the more usual signs.
Now give it a heading like *Grace Kelly’s Wedding*
(Or something that’s equally heady)
Make sure, by inspection, it bears no connection
With what you have written already.
You have now produced verse, modernistic and terse,
The M*rj*n will print it, no doubt.
But please never fret us with capital letters
it’s so much more cultured without.

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