Category Archives: humour

Bank Weirdness

Ah, the summer nearing its end. Those who enter their universities this year have(hopefully) already finished their Student Finance applications and await the money they are entitled to. Gone are the days when one had to write to the bank managers for their beer money. Well, gone but not forgotten:-).
But what about the banks themselves? Well, skimming through the Cremorne Review(which you might remember as once a platform for the literary creations of Marjon’s students) I stumbled upon some strange bank advertisements. And here they are in their off-beat glory:
First one that caught my attention was this…um, fairy:-)

bankads4 001Then there is a beatnik chomping on a shoestring. I wasn’t yet born in the 60’s. Was it normal for a person like this to have a candle on top of the head?

bankads3 001Hammurabi playing cricket.

bank ads 001And last but not least- a free book that cost three p. Is it me or the advertisements used to be really weird?

banks ads2 001

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Filed under humour, long time ago, random stuff

Ostriches on campus

This is a very small post, due to some unforeseen circumstances that prevented me from proper research in the past week. But excuses aside, here is the Chelsea Ostrich:

Before the big move in 1973 from Chelsea to Plymouth, the people were not extremely excited about the change. I can’t really blame them, for the most people the change is scary and seeing so many years of tradition and memories going through irrevocable transformation must be even harder. But for ostriches the change is something that, if ignored, will eventually go away. As an illustration of the mood on campus, one of the newsletters printed this image:

The Chelsea Ostrich

The Chelsea Ostrich

What can I say, I didn’t know that Marjon was accepting ostriches at some point:-)

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Marjargon

The meeting against Racism and Facism poster. 'Be there!' or else

The meeting against Racism and Facism poster. ‘Be there!’ or else

At one point there were plenty of Marjon-made publications. From the official and professional-looking ones like Marjon Magazine and Cremorne review, to the button-and-string–budget, self-made newspapers like Ladle and the Marjargon. And the last one is the one we got our hands on recently. And the Marjargon is one that transcendents the typical humorous publication. I really wish we had more of those, but I guess those home-brewed project don’t stand well against the test of time.
Everything is a joke here, the editorials are full of banter between the editors, the headers marking the columns are housing puns and wordplays and the reader’s letters are way too bizarre to be real. For example, there was one that logically and with great arguments, went on to reason that the Youth Hostel Association is run by the Illuminati and why you should avoid shelter in their hostels during your holidays. The ‘Dailemas’ column contains congratulations

Che Guevara and exec reports. And the connection is...?

Che Guevara and exec reports. And the connection is…?

and commiserations, but very unlike any you ever read. A notable example: ‘Congratulations to the clever bugger who tried to break into the fruit machine and snapped the key off in the lock- it takes a thief not a pillock.’ Even the events advertisements are a bit surreal. The poster for debate about the facism and racism had a stern ‘Be there!’ order printed below the info.
The only thing that was half-serious is the strong influence of the ’80 Marjon Anti-Nuclear Society, that just restricted itself to printing satirical cartoons…well most of the time. In fact I’ll try and see if I can find something more about. And for the love of cheezburgers, can someone tell me why there is Che Guevara in the Execs report ’80-81?

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How to Write Poetry- Marjon Style

Poetry is hard. Especially if you want to be serious about it. Luckily, it is not always a necessity. Today I have a recipe for a poem that is about as serious as a clown with a pie on his face. It was first published in the ‘Ladle’- a students’ humorous periodical. The writer is only credited as Sporus, so if you happen to know that person-let me know. So, let’s see how to write poetry- Marjon style:
ARS POETICA
If you’ve nothing to do for a minute or two
(Though you haven’t a clue in your head)
And you’d like the acclaim of the writers of fame
Whether living or mentally dead
Don’t try to write plays that would run for two days
Or pantomimes, all by yourself,
Or books of the kind that you constantly find
On the threepence of sixpenny shelf
Just think of a phrase, such as *crime never pays*
Or *dinner at seven in hall*
And write it down neatly, in part or completely
With no punctuation at all.
Now add a few more, such as *please shut the door*
Or *dresses in velvet or satin*
Repeat one or two (it’s the right thing to do)
Or write them down backwards, in Latin
Without an apology, take an anthology
Copy the list of first lines.
Leave marks exclamation of interrogation;
Omit the more usual signs.
Now give it a heading like *Grace Kelly’s Wedding*
(Or something that’s equally heady)
Make sure, by inspection, it bears no connection
With what you have written already.
You have now produced verse, modernistic and terse,
The M*rj*n will print it, no doubt.
But please never fret us with capital letters
it’s so much more cultured without.

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Some funny stuff

Looks like spring is here with flowers, new leaves and incessant showers. The tensions are riding high as the deadline for my dissertation is closing in. I thought that for this occasion I’d share some humour I’ve found in Marjon Magazine materials from 2001. Unfortunately there was no author stated, so if you know who wrote it please tell me so I can credit properly.

A_Smiley‘Exercise, is it worth it?
1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at 5000$ per month.
2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where she is.
3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again
4. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
5. I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.
6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7. I have flabby tights, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8. The advantage of exercise every day is that you die healthier.
9. If you’re going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
10. I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump out of my glass.’
It is kind of surprising, finding it at a university with so many sports students. I hope it made you smile as it made me.

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